I signed up for a spiritual intuition training course that will last 6 weeks. Once every Monday, we will meet for 2 hours to discuss spirituality and learn to open up, heal and speak with spirit guides.

The first class covered introductions to all classmates, a brief guide reading from the instructor and other returning classmates, a meditation to reach out to our guides and discussion.

My 5-minute adventure into guide world was intense. Much like many of my guided meditations in group settings, I was greeted by a young girl who held my hand. Around 10-12 years old, she instantly makes me cry. I feel guilty for her dying and feel intense pain in the back of my mouth. I want to loudly break down in front of everyone and embarrassed if I allowed myself to do so. I do my best to regain control but the message I receive is to let go, and give up on controlling things. The five minutes end and I wipe the tears off my face.

I find it hard to speak and do not want to share right away. I eventually come out and say what my message was but not in full detail of the experience to everyone. I share with the teacher and she says that this girl is my child of this life. A life that never came to be through miscarriage. I struggle to believe a pregnancy was even possible, thinking over my entire sexual history over and over again. I still dwell on this revelation.

The night follows and I drink some water as instructed by the teacher and go to bed. I ground, connect and protect going to bed and open myself up to speaking with my guides. The night seemed long and tiresome. I remember asking many questions and talking what seemed like forever but not really remembering what transpired. I felt exhausted and had some relief of a brief dream between 3-7:30 am.

The rest of the day, I felt tired, I started to get a headache around 3, napped and had a bath, and the headache progressed into a migraine. It wasn’t until I had some coffee and spoke at the library even that the pain lifted. Being at home again, the headache is gradually coming back.

I plan to ground, connect and protect again before going to bed. Looking forward to another interesting night of adventure but also time tomorrow to spend during the day to connect.

The messaged received through the instructor was that I was doing well this year but as for the many steps forward I was taking, there was always two steps back. I’m still figuring out in what aspect this refers to as I feel I have more confidence in everything I am doing to move forward. I have cut some bad behaviours and put solid efforts into things that I normally would not pursue and adventure out of my comfort zone. Perhaps the answers will be guided to me tonight or in future meditations. I just know moving forward, I have some healing to do still. Some mattress’s to drop and some lives to rescue from the past.