This isn’t a new years resolution. With the sleep schedule being off and just starting to read the book “The Myth of Freedom, by¬† Choya Trungpa”, I have some thoughts about a few things.

As a person waking up to modern spiritualism in a capitalistic society, driven by war, money and generally just taking from people to become more powerful and more rich, how do I integrate?

I have been trying to shed my ego, reduce my impact, and cut down on spending (having less money to spend made that easier), and reducing stuff and drama in my life has really helped me put perspective not only what I was impacting in this world but how the world was impacting on me. But now I am stuck with the struggle of fitting in, making a living and surviving with my beliefs being very much against the norm.

A the base of all my thoughts is feeling safe and secure with my basic living needs in this world. I have financial obligations just like anyone else and struggle to meet them every month. But is the worry of having a financial future holding me back from becoming my best self now? Fear has taken hold of me on this aspect and it has held me back from enjoying life. I feel obligated to be looking for work, my ego sneaks back in and makes me think that “you are better than that job”, yes I may be qualified to do something that does pay more, but because of my fear, I am placing myself in a position of desperation. If only i could drop societies obligations and judgement of my skill set and focus on my skills that do make me happy, the skills that help others and passion for my work that helps everyone around me as well as the company grow. This is how someones inner awesome is smothered, by obligation and financial burdens or choices that are difficult to escape from.

The future – Science, the media, earth’s current retaliation against human activity, has made me think we are not worthy of a life here. Humans that is, there are people on earth who can truly connect with earth, respect her and balance with her. It is the rest that are not worthy of earths glory. I think our entire existence here has proved we are only getting worse as a species. It is human behavior and ego and that has not allowed us to really enjoy how amazing this world really is. But all I can think about is if I’ll have enough money to retire.

Programming from the social machine, I have been taught to only care about myself, my needs and how to prolong me existence on this planet and capitalistic off it’s resources, the time I have, the pleasures that have been created by technology. Fun is great, but it has taken over real responsibility. “Oh this toy is broken, well i could just get a new one” Isn’t that what our kids have been brought up to believe?

I have 4 strands of xmas lights that don’t work. They cannot be recycled easily and it would be easy enough to say “I can just go get a new strand”. There is a tool that will test each light. It cost $9.99. With maybe 1 hour’s worth of work, I could find out how to fix these lights and they will work again. But it won’t be a quick and easy task, my ego says my time isn’t worth that effort, and it would be easier to just buy a new set. But that rationale is my programming not the right thing. We are rushed to get back to having fun or making more time for that because we are trained to believe we only have a certain amount of time to have fun. We are trapped in our schedules, we think doing nothing in unproductive, we look for ways to make unfun tasks easier to deal with so we can go spend money and time doing fun things whenever possible, we believe that doing a job or tasks cannot be fun.

This is a first world struggle. Our basic needs of shelter, food and water are met, so we focus on not being satisfied with almost everything. I have been guilty of this. Learning to take my time, enjoy a task and focus on the benefit of doing that task has offered a new perspective. These tasks may take up more of my time now but I don’t think of them as a burden. They are achievements everyday that help improve my quality of life. Practicing them, makes me better at them and I am able to research new ways of doing these tasks that will result in less impact on my footprint on this earth.

So far I have covered a struggle with finance and fear but the real struggle we all face is time. We know that life starts and ends. When it started wasn’t up to us, nor will the ending and the ending could happen at any moment. It is the time in between and the uncertainty of what is left that we feel defined to leave our mark. “I must achieve ______ before I die”. Everyone’s achievements vary and are very much defined by their ego and their perception of what makes them feel important in this world and set aside as an individual. The “who am i” question that we all ask ourselves.

If we added the idea of our souls, our learning, was infinite and separate from time, would we change our set goals. If you had eternity to work at that job just so you had money to spend on things to do when you weren’t working is that what would would do forever?

Time is a massive cage to put yourself in. And if you truly believe that this is the only time you have left, that you end when your body does, I hope you create happiness for yourself at no expense to the world or others.

To create happiness by taking, is really robbing yourself of true happiness.