It is post Christmas and post New Years of 2015. I still sit in the wreckage of a hellish two years of epic struggle and change. My journey is still not over and I have been close to end of life for myself a few times.

Everyones pain is different. Sometimes physical pain is easier to deal with than emotional but just the same real to the person experiencing it. I find that every time I am at my worst and find myself pulling myself out of that hole, I want to give back immediately by helping someone else in need. I call it emotional harvesting. I am starved to have purpose, to make sure what has happened to me doesn’t happen to others, to ensure good still has a chance out there if only we made more time for it. It helps me every time.

My cup becomes full from doing these things. It is only unfortunate that my cup becomes empty from people taking from me. Not the ones that I am helping on purpose, but the ones that take from you to benefit themselves against your will. Oh the list i could write of all the events of people taking. It isn’t about letting them all the time. Do no victim shame but also don’t be the victim of same crimes over and over again. It isn’t you it is them.

When someone takes from you, they made a choice to do something against your will that they know will harm you in some way and prove to be a benefit to them. Justice is not always in your power or others to administer to help defend yourself. I feel karmic justice always gets the last say. If you think of yourself as a soul of pure love and look over your life through those eyes and see all the injust you have caused in the world by your choices, would you not have regrets, would you not feel guilty? That isn’t who I am, I should never have done that. The life I live right now is one I live with myself.

I am not a perfect person, I do have my infractions of taking from people. But in my recent years, I have shut down any type of behaviour that causes taking from happening. If at any point I have slip ups, I am going to correct myself and the situation. I am aware and that is important.

To all the people who are not aware, I don’t feel anger towards you, but mostly just disappointed that you have not made the efforts yet to give yourself a chance to be a good person. You saw opportunity, you saw what you thought was weakness in others and exploited them to your own benefit. I saw a lot of the good in you and in others get destroyed from your actions. But what you thought was my weakness that you profited from, was actually my strength. For the pleasure, the money and power you think you have obtained from taking, you have only created a debt for your soul to pay back. One that the good in you will have to pay for at some point. All soul debts are paid off by positive action, something you chose to avoid by taking.

To all the people out there acting with love. Great work. It isn’t the easiest choice to act through love, nor does it always benefit you in the way that you think. Don’t give up on being kind to others and yourself because of what happens to you. It takes incredible strength, power and practice to be wonderful at any cost. Forgiveness is the hardest thing to do to all of those who wronged you. It is certainly much easier to forgive to those who have apologized and earned your love. Have pity for those good people who haven’t quite tapped into it yet. They got distracted by things, money, power and pleasure and have lost their way. Perhaps you can be a teacher and help find their way back to the best possible version of what they can be. Who is really in there.

I am learning how to forgive those who have not sought it right now. Changing how I think of the misfortune and hard times it has caused me, focusing on what I have learned and how i have become a better person because of the hard times, and most of all focusing on the good person that is trapped within them.