I started writing an article and just deleted the whole thing. It was not putting a good intention out there. So here is the new one, intention revised.

It isn’t what has happened to me or through blame of others that I am here. I am here for a reason and I have learned some hard lessons, some lessons of giving and receiving, and some lessons of giving up.

I had a hard time this morning learning to accept my current situation. It made me sad to admit at my age and a approaching birthday as a reminder that things are not what I would have liked them to be. It made me think that planning in general is a nice idea, but nothing ever goes according to plans. I was prepared for something like this and it has allowed this acceptance to be delayed over months versus just dealing with it right away.

So here are some difficult things to be grateful for. I am grateful to be on this side because I now see the vast amount of people over here, finding new ways of coping, new ways of finding happiness and living their lives. I am grateful for the things I have given up, everything I have sold, donated and removed from my life that was taking up space or just didn’t hold any love in my life anymore. I am grateful to finally see my real needs are emotional and that stuff won’t fulfill those needs. I am grateful to let go of my anger, sense of accountability for things that i had no actions for and to free my mind to healthier thinking. I am grateful I can see these emotions in other people now and how they may impact my own emotions. I am grateful for the time I have had to figure this all out. I think without the misfortunes of this past two years, this new rock bottom is actually the foundation of something amazing I can build now and for my future.

Being poor is about finance and only that. I don’t fit into the goals that society had for me, nor do feel hooked into the system to play the game. Even homeless people are alive and as long as we breath we have something to learn and gain from the experience. Happiness can be created by nothing physical. Happiness is your intent and what you plan to do with it.

I can honestly say from writing this post twice that I feel better than I did when I started it. And that is something to be thankful for 🙂